Lost Cell Phone.
I can point out at LEAST 5 examples in my relationship with God where He’s called me to trust Him.
And I mean TRUST Him.
To let go of my hopes and dreams and trust Him with the story He’s written for me.
I’m apparently really bad with this, because this is the greatest theme of our relationship.
He loves to grow me.
God showed me once again that I need to trust Him. God loves to speak to my heart in tangible ways (Praise Him for this!). On a Thursday morning in late October of last year, God did just that. And it all started with my cell phone.
Allow me to paint the picture for you...
I arrived at work and climbed out of the car, with approximately 10 minutes until my start time (I like to be more than punctual: I like to be early). I reached for my backpack and realized that I didn’t have my phone on me. I knew I had it in the car, so I went searching. And searching. Everywhere. Between the car seats, in my backpack...twice, EVERYWHERE. To no avail. Nothing. I was confused. And frustrated. And kind of frantic. I needed my phone. I started thinking of all the reasons why I needed it right then. There were plenty of reasons. They were important. To me, at least. I was exhausted searching for my phone and coming up empty handed.
“God, I need to find this phone.”
After realizing I couldn’t control the situation and needed to get to work, I finally released the anxious thought. It was hard. Because I felt a little defeated. But it was out of my hands. And that was a hard thing to get past.
I had worked up enough emotion around the event that walking away hurt. It was only when I closed the car door that I realized something…
I had set my phone on the top of the car when I first slid out of my seat.
I know what you’re thinking... This sounds an awful lot like your grandma searching for her glasses that are on top of her head. And maybe it’s just like that, but God really used that moment to show me where my heart is!
And no, it’s not just a millennial-aged, phone-obsessed crisis I’m talking about...It painted something so much more. It dug down deep into something I had been struggling with and was completely oblivious to... Until I lost my phone.
I had been holding on with clinched hands to my own desire. I had been hanging on tightly to what I wanted right now. I had been lacking in trust. I had been searching for ways to fix things and solve problems myself, rather than give it all to God and trust Him with it. He was teaching me, once again, to let go of my dreams and to let Him dream for me.
Gosh, it’s never easy. This was the hardest trust-exercise God has ever called me to experience. But I know that it's definitely worth it, because let's be real! God sees ALL THINGS! And He knows what's best for us. And in order to truly get what's best for us, we need to be open to Him working. That requires us to lay down our ego and our pride and surrender everything to His will. He knows and sees our desires, and we need to trust that no matter what, He knows what's best...and if we delight ourselves in Him, He'll match our hearts to His, and His desires for us will become our own desires (Psalm 37:4). And what's better than that? Honestly...nothing.
If I let go of my desires, I know that God will bring reward in whatever way He chooses, and in His own timing, if only I trust Him. And man, I know the process will take a long time, but I’m slowly beginning to unclench my hands so that way God will have my full trust in the situation.
God wants us to trust Him. That’s all He wants.
xo,
katie